Soulful Healing

This month’s blog post is actually a guest post for Sherry Gaba, LCSW.  She is the author of the book “The Law of Sobriety,” in which she applies the concepts of the Law of Attraction to help people recover from addictions.   Her life coaching and therapy skills have also been featured on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab and Sober House. Please hop on over to her Law of Sobriety blog to read my post on mindfulness and sobriety.  Thanks for reading!

During a recent discussion on yoga’s therapeutic benefits, one of my colleagues asked me, “What’s it like to have a stress-free life?”  I know this colleague was mostly joking, but it was a good conversation starter.  I laughed and said that I have anything but a stress-free life.   Mindfulness is not about eliminating stress from your life, it’s about changing the way you respond to that stress.  That may not be what any of us wants to hear…  I have certainly wished that mindfulness and meditation and yoga could get rid of the stressful things in my life.  But they don’t.  What they do, instead, is make it easier for us to separate ourselves from our stress.  That way, we stop being defined by our automatic reactions to events and begin to choose our thoughts/words/actions more carefully.

I know…  this may be disheartening news to some of you.  If you can’t make the stress go away, why bother practicing mindfulness at all?  Here’s the tricky thing, though:  separating your Self from your stress does make the stress go away in a manner of speaking.  For years, one of my mentors would describe to me how it was possible for me to watch the drama unfold around me without getting caught up in it.  I tried and tried and tried and had a pretty tough time of it.  I suppose it’s one of the hazards of being a professional empath, this soaking up of other people’s emotions as if they were my own.  But when I really started to delve into the breathwork and meditative practices of yoga, I started to understand what my mentor was saying.  I was slowly able to sit in the presence of people’s emotions and hold on to my sense of Self.  Sometimes it was only for a few moments, sometimes much longer, but there it was.

I won’t try to tell you that I’ve mastered this skill now.  I’m certainly better at it than I used to be and there are a variety of situations that cut through my equilibrium…  people who drive dangerously, stories about the darker sides of humanity, those that would play the shame & blame game with me…  These are just a few of my triggers.  I get flustered, I get tense, I get judgmental.  Not my best moments, by far!  Yet I imagine these triggers will always be there in one form or another, so there is always room for me to improve   I guess what I want you to know is that coping more effectively with your daily stresses is indeed possible.  Plus, it is never too late to start.  If you’ve been wanting to find some peacefulness in the chaos of your everyday experience, begin the practice today.  Know that it is not easy and takes commitment, but try to love what you find in the clutter of your thoughts.  If you would like some guidance in your journey, here are just a few of the many great resources for mindfulness, meditation, and yoga:

Yoga Therapist Finder
InsightLA
Mindful Valley
Yoga Alliance
Yoga Finder
Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction
Learning Meditation

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and have a mindful week!

Today’s Mindful Monday post is coming up a little later than usual…  I decided to spend most of my Sunday resting.  I was on overload from a busy week of blogging and business networking.   When the exhaustion really set in on Friday morning, I decided that I needed to walk my talk and institute some down time.  So today’s blog is getting written on Monday evening, instead of Sunday evening

In a guest blog I wrote last week, I talked about how serenity can be found in things we otherwise might label as “mundane”, like our daily and weekly chores.  This inspired me to do a Mindful Mondays post about how to really dive in to the present moment of things we usually try not to focus on too much.  To try this mindfulness tip, pick a chore you need to do this week.  Maybe it’s laundry or washing dishes or mowing the lawn or whatever…  Pick one and join me in the following:

1)  Bring your full attention to the task at hand.  As you begin the task, take note of your five senses.  What do you hear/see/smell/touch/taste?  Observe these senses and describe them to yourself.

2)  Notice your breath.  As you continue with your task, blend your breath with your movement.  If you are washing dishes, for example, breathe in for a certain number of scrubs and then exhale to an equal or greater number of scrubs.  This can be applied to any chore…  Vacuum forward, inhale, vacuum backward, exhale…  Lift laundry out of the washer, inhale, place in dryer, exhale…  Be creative!

3)  Observe how this combination of breathing and movement affects your thoughts and feelings.  Are you able to stay with the present moment and the activity?  How often do your thoughts wander?  What are you feeling?

4)  Remember that above all, this is an exercise in non-judgment.  Mindfulness asks us to simply notice, without passing positive or negative judgment.  I know, easier said than done, but it gets much easier with practice!

In a new community building twist, I’ll post this topic up in the Discussion board on the Soulful Healing page on Facebook.  There, I invite you to discuss whether you tried this mindfulness exercise and your reactions to it.  Thanks for reading and be well!

Do you ever notice yourself mindlessly fidgeting with things during the day?  Maybe twirling your hair, running a finger along an object, tapping a pencil?  These are perfect opportunities to add some mindfulness to your day.  Here’s how to take advantage of the random fidgeting:

1)  First, notice that you are fidgeting with something.  Simply note this without judgment (if judgment arises, “Sheesh, there I go again…” work on releasing that thought)
2)  Exhale fully and inhale deeply, noticing the thoughts, feelings, and sensations accompanying your behavior and current situation
3)  Continue the whatever movement you just noticed yourself engaging in, but with your full attention and awareness.  If you are running your thumb on a shirt button, for example, describe to yourself everything you can notice about the button.  Is it hot or cold?  Does it have a texture?  Are there threads running through it? 
4)  Enjoy your now mindful moment!

Of course, this exercise is not beneficial in all situations.  I might not recommend this in the middle of an important meeting or while driving on the highway, as your attention will be on your pencil/button/necklace and not on the tasks at hand.  However, if you find a moment where it makes sense to practice this, feel free!  Thanks for reading and be well!

Many people think of mindfulness and relaxation as the same thing.  While there are similarities between the two and the use of one can lead to the other, there are some important differences.  Relaxation exercises imply a goal of relaxing a tense body-mind.  Deep belly breathing and progressive muscle relaxation are two examples of specific relaxation skills that can be employed to reduce stress, tension, and anxiety.  Relaxation can lead to mindfulness, because you need to be aware that you are tense, then engage in an activity to reduce that tension.  Through that practice, you begin to understand the difference between a stressed state of mind and relaxed one.

Mindfulness can also bring about relaxation, but it is a skill of a different sort.  With mindfulness, we simply want to bring attention to what the body-mind is experiencing.  Is it thinking?  Remembering?  Ruminating?  Planning?  Dreaming?  Organizing?  Feeling?  Mindfulness asks us to simply notice what we are experiencing and accept that experience without judgment.   It’s that last part that is so challenging.  We learn from an early age to judge, discern, categorize…  Good/bad.  Up/down.  This/that.  Should/shouldn’t.  What is so interesting is that, in seeking to observe ourselves without judgment, we can find a sense of peace and relaxation that expands into all areas of life.

In the spirit of non-judgment, try this strategy:
1)  Bring your awareness to your body-mind throughout your day, maybe at several points during the day.
2)  Using your internal thought process, identify what you are doing with objective, descriptive terms:  Thinking, walking, sitting, worrying, eating, listening, talking, etc.
3)  Notice when and how often you judge yourself during this activity.  And when you do judge yourself (as we all do!), again simply identify that and accept it without further judgment.  Sometimes a long, slow exhale helps increase acceptance of the present moment.

Regardless of the level of challenge this activity presents for you, have courage and keep coming back.  Like any skill, with practice, you will gain proficiency over time.  Be well!

We often hear the phrase “time out” in reference to the well-known parenting technique.  But here, I’d like to explore the use of time out for ourselves.  In the midst of our busy lives, we go from task to thought to conversation to activity…  lather, rinse, repeat.  This leaves us with little time to reflect on our experiences.  And aren’t we grateful for that much of the time?  Keeping ourselves busy can in fact serve some short-term purposes, such as avoiding attending to the  constant chatter in our minds, dealing with unpleasant feelings, or even simply staying entertained.  Yet we humans are not the best judges of what will make us feel truly better in the long term (I confess that I had the TV on when I first started to write this, but had to turn it off because it was distracting me!).  Our first instinct is often to cover over the challenging stuff, hoping that it will go away if we ignore it long enough.  Not so.

We are so used to perpetual distraction that when we sit down and get quiet, the noise inside the mind is deafening and completely overwhelming.  It’s enough to scare you right back into the land of incessant movement!!  I often hear people say, “But I can’t sit still/meditate/do yoga because it makes me feel more anxious.”  That statement resonates with many people’s experiences in beginning a contemplative practice, including my own.  Taking time out for yourself can be challenging at first, especially if you are accustomed to the constant twirling & spinning of modern life.  Our culture says more is better and we often unwittingly buy in to that notion.  But as you gain skill and experience in tolerating, accepting, and letting go of your bustling and buzzing, it does get easier.  And at some point in that journey, you find the calm, quiet center of your Soul.  Like any skill, it takes time to develop.

Let me be clear, I am not recommending that you leave your life and responsibilities to go live in a hillside monastery (oh, but that idea is tempting sometimes, right?!).  Quite the opposite in fact, I believe there is so much for all of us to gain by taking some time out and then continuing with our daily tasks more in touch with our bright, shiny Soul.   This could be five minutes of stillness in the middle of a busy day, writing your intentions for the day or week in a journal, taking time to pray, or observing and mentally describing your thoughts and sensations during a typical daily task.  Anything that prompts you to reflect on your Self and your surroundings can be considered a contemplative practice and will guide you in knowing your Self more deeply.  Years ago, I participated in AmeriCorps and from that I have my first conscious memory of being taught how reflection is key to learning & growing.  When we do not take time to reflect, we risk doing things the way we’ve always done them, effective or not.

If you are just beginning your journey into self-contemplation and have been discouraged by the crushing chatter of your own mind, fear not.  Stick with it, as the only way to grow is to keep at it.  Our children are not the only ones that benefit from a time out now and then!  Give yourself a chance to turn your attention inside for a moment and reflect on what you find there.  You will no doubt wade into all kinds of wild and interesting things inside that mind of yours.  Shine a loving light among the darkness and the cobwebs.  You just might stumble upon a real treasure.

Today’s mindfulness tip covers one of the more subtle ways we hold tension:  gripping the muscles of the jaw and face. Without realizing it, many of us respond to stress by tightening the muscles of the jaw, mouth, cheeks, nose, and eyes.  No wonder our culture suffers from so many headaches…  All those pinched up faces!  Here are some strategies for facing your stress without stressing your face:

1)  The first aspect to any mindfulness activity is noticing that you are experiencing something.  Throughout your day, turn you attention to your face and jaw.  Simply notice the muscles of your face and take note of whether you have chronic tension there.

2)  When you find yourself gripping your jaw & cheek muscles, begin to relax them by slowly allowing your tongue to fall away from the roof of your mouth.  You may notice that your breath can flow more freely as you release your jaw.

3) When you experience tension around your eyes, nose, & mouth, first bring your conscious attention to these facial muscles.  Then use a slow, deep breath to relax them.

4)  You can now use conscious, rhythmic breathing to keep your face & jaw relaxed throughout the day.  When you notice the muscles unconsciously tightening, bring your attention & your breath back to these muscles to release them once again.

Enjoy facing your day and week with greater calm!

I got pulled over by a police officer on Monday for engaging in a classic SoCal activity…  The California Stop.   I was so caught up in my thoughts (about life, work, what I was going to have for lunch) that when I saw the flashing lights behind me, I had no idea why I was being pulled over.   I thought maybe I’d been driving too fast, but I was only going 32 in a 35 zone.   Not too slow, not too fast.  This left me completely confused.  Since I haven’t been pulled over since probably 1996, it was pretty nerve-racking.  Heart pounding.  Hands shaking.  Shallow breathing.  Because we were on a narrow road, the officer asked me over his loudspeaker to make the nearest right turn.   More heart pounding.   Once we were safely pulled over, the officer approached and just voluntarily told me what he’d pulled me over for.   I’m glad he didn’t ask.   I would’ve failed that quiz.

I was genuinely shocked when the officer explained.  Again, I was so consumed in my own internal world that I couldn’t even remember having traveled through the stop sign.  Does that ever happen to you?  Somehow you get on auto-pilot and can’t remember several minutes of drive time.  It’s more than a little concerning when you realize that we’re not paying attention as we hurl our bodies forward at high speeds in metal contraptions.  It’s a recipe for disaster.  And I won’t even get into the phenomena of cell phone talking & texting while driving.

So now I have a ticket (my first one EVER) that I have to pay.  I won’t fight it because I know I wasn’t paying attention and I’m sure the officer is correct in his observation of my rolling stop.  Even though I’m normally a careful driver, I’ve rolled through many a stop sign in my life.  Getting a ticket for this was only a matter of time.   Needless to say, this experience was a great reminder for me to slow down and pay attention.  It is so easy to get distracted by all the tasks on our to-do lists, that we just put ourselves on auto-pilot, whether while driving or working or interacting with others.  Since Monday, I’ve rededicated myself to mindful driving.  It’s a challenge, this breathing and planning ahead and making full, complete stops at all the stop signs.

Really, that’s all mindfulness is.  Slowing down.  Attending to our surroundings.  Breathing.  Noticing.  Actively choosing what to do next.  The next time you find yourself about to roll through a stop sign or do seven things at once or interrupt someone because you weren’t really listening in the first place, I invite you to slow down and bring some careful attention to your choices.  Take a moment to pause and breathe, bringing your full consciousness to your next action.  I know it’s a challenge and that just when you think you’re doing well, something happens to remind you of the importance of really paying attention. But who are we if we allow our auto-pilot to make all our decisions for us?

Have you ever noticed all the ways we show distaste for Mondays?  From familiar songs like The Bangles’ “Manic Monday” to a reluctant “Ugh, it’s Monday!” as we get ourselves to work, our culture really has a lot of negative things to say about Mondays.  I often struggle with Mondays myself, as they signal a transition from the fun & relaxing weekend back into the land of meetings and multitasking.  Whether you go to an office, sit in traffic, assemble parts in a factory, or work in the home, Mondays can be challenging.  If we in the world of psychology know anything, it’s that our thoughts affect our feelings, which in turn affect our behavior (and all of these things in turn affect one another).  And so today, I begin a series of “Mindful Mondays”, tips to start your week off on a mindful note.  If we can change some of the ways we approach Mondays (and every day!), maybe we can find a little more contentment in this moment.

Try the following throughout your day and week:
1)  During your normal activities today, bring your attention to your breath.
2)  Are you holding your breath?  Or breathing in a shallow manner?
3)  If you answer “yes” to either question in #2, work on making your breathing more intentionally slow and rhythmic.
4)  Continue with whatever you were doing, while maintaining this awareness of your breath.
5)  Repeat as often as you wish!

When you first begin practicing mindful breathing, you may have a tendency to judge the things you notice.  The mind has a powerful litany of judgments and appraisals, but have courage!  Make an effort to simply notice the mind’s evaluations, then bring your attention back to your breathing and the task at hand.