Feelings vs. Thoughts

Posted in mental health, mindfulness on 01/14/2011 by Amber

Happy New Year everyone!!  I hope you all enjoyed the holiday season and had some time to rejuvenate.  Whether spending time alone or with friends and family, the holidays offer up many opportunities for both self-reflection and figuring out how to communicate with those we love.  I often find that many difficulties in communication stem from getting our thoughts and feelings confused.  In my graduate school therapy internships, we would have to complete these complex grids called “process recordings” about our therapy sessions.  These were to help us figure out what observable statements and behaviors occurred in the session, what we believed the client was thinking and feeling, and what we were thinking and feeling.  It took some time to gain skill at differentiating between the thoughts and feelings of both myself and others.  Just in case you aren’t planning on getting trained as a psychotherapist, I’ll take a few moments here to discuss the basic differences between thoughts and feelings!

Thoughts
The term “thought” is usually applied to the processes of the mind or intellect.  With our thoughts and ideas, we solve problems, figure out what we like or dislike, and identify how to get from here to there.  The thinking mind can even be used to sort through feelings and determine what action to take next.  All this is to say that thoughts are very different from feelings.  When clients talk about communication challenges they’ve encountered, I’ll ask them to identify what they were feeling during that given situation.  A common response might be, “I felt s/he was being a jerk!”  Okay, show of hands…  Which of you out there has said something like this before?  Yup, pretty much all of us have.   It is not a common part of our culture to take the time to notice the difference between our thoughts and feelings, or even to really figure out what we’re feeling.  The statement “I felt s/he was being a jerk!” reflects a judgment, whether correct or not, about another person or situation.  Planning, judgment, assessment, observation, problem-solving…  These are the stuff of thoughts.  But sometimes feelings disguies themselves as thoughts:  “I’m never going to get that job,” or “S/he hates me,” or “S/he doesn’t love me because s/he didn’t e-mail me back right away.”  These are not rational statements.  These are feelings masquerading as thoughts and can get us very confused if we don’t take the time to sort them out.

Feelings
When I hear statements like the “jerk” one above (whether from myself or others!), I will point out the lack of a feeling word and help the person figure out exactly what they are feeling.  When someone finds this exercise particularly challenging, I might even pull out a list of feeling words.  With the above example, the emotional response might instead be, “I felt hurt” or “I felt angry”.  Note how these feelings statements reflect an internal state of being on the part of the speaker.  One of the challenges around honestly identifying how we feel (instead of proclaiming others’ jerkiness) is that doing so makes us vulnerable.  This is especially true of our more unpleasant emotions.  Sad.  Afraid.  Hurt.  Worried.  Insecure.  Who wants to feel those things?!  And so we cover them up with judgments about others and irrational thoughts.  But I often find that in trying to run away from feelings, we only make things worse.  If we don’t allow ourselves to feel, allow those feelings to pass through us, and allow others to know how we feel (when appropriate), then the feelings get stuck somewhere in the mind and body.  If you are interested in expanding your own emotional vocabulary, here is a great list of feeling words.

Remember that feelings are not facts and they do not last forever, though it often seems they will.  Consider attending to your breath as a means of allowing your thoughts to settle and your feelings to pass.  Thanks for taking the time to read and have a great week!

 

Happy Holidays?

Posted in Depression, Grief and Loss, Holidays, mental health, Self Care, Stress on 12/12/2010 by Amber


Over the past few weeks, my motivation to write has been low.  First, there was Thanksgiving.  I had a wonderful time celebrating with my family & friends.  One of the side effects of feasting, though, is a sleepy lethargy!  So I gave myself permission to just enjoy the relaxation that I don’t usually make time for.   Then in the week after Thanksgiving, one of my friends passed away.  She was about a month younger than me and her death was entirely unexpected and shocking.  I think I spent that first week feeling numb and in complete denial.  As the most basic defense mechanism, denial comes in very handy.  Information that our minds cannot process is blocked out because to take in that information might require a complete reorganization of thoughts, feelings, and information that we currently have.  If you think organizing your desk is challenging, try reorganizing your mind!  About a week after I got the news, I was able to really feel the sadness my defenses had blocked out.

Dealing with this sadness got me to thinking about how the holidays are not always “happy”.  With smiles on our faces, we encourage one another to have “Happy Holidays!”  And while Halloween through Christmas is easily my favorite time of year, it carries with it reminders of both past joys and past sorrows.  Then, there are the current joys and sorrows.  I was reminded of this recently while watching the movie Parenthood, where one of the characters gives an apt description of life as a rollercoaster, noting that she prefers the rollercoaster to the merry-go-round.  Whether we like it or not, life is rollercoaster… a sometimes intense series of ups and downs and all-arounds, with (hopefully) moments of rest in between.  I don’t know about you, but I am looking back on a year that zoomed by in true rollercoaster fashion.  There were a whole lot of amazing times and a whole lot of hard times.  There were times when I thought I couldn’t be happier.  There were times when I couldn’t imagine how I would get through the day.  Here I am…  sad, content, worried, joyful, eager…  all of the feelings that make up this life.  But most of all, I feel lucky to just be sitting here writing about it.

Still, at this time of year, we can sometimes feel pressured to be happy.  As if, when we are not happy, we are somehow upsetting the natural order.  Sometimes, we might even actively become angry with each other because someone wants to honestly express their discomfort or discontent.  When we are the accusers, it’s usually a sign that we are denying, ignoring, or avoiding our own difficult feelings.  It’s far simpler to blame others, versus doing the hard work of looking inward and coming to terms with the stuff we’ve been ignoring.  While denial and avoidance are great forms of self-protection in the short-term, they don’t tend to serve us well in the long haul.  What we deny or avoid comes back to haunt us in strange ways.  Just because we choose not to be conscious of something does not mean it just goes away.  It can come to settle in the subconscious, from which we act out our fears & desires without conscious awareness.  Have you ever been completely shocked by an observation that someone else has made of you, only to later realize they were right?  It’s rarely pretty, but try saying hello to the junk buried in your subconscious with gentleness and curiosity.  Remember that self-blame only creates stagnation and keeps us repeating the patterns we don’t like.

If you are one of the people for whom the holidays are not so happy (or are perhaps a mix of happy & sad & other stuff), know that you are not alone.  I also hope that, as you experience the wide range of human emotion during this holiday time, you can honestly share that with someone who is willing to listen.  Whether you are grieving a recent loss or a more distant one, many people are feeling exactly the same.  Maybe it’s time to reach out for a little social contact, maybe it’s time to stay home and rest, or maybe you need a smidge of both.  Only you can figure that out for your Self.  Denying your Self the right to feel what you feel can have all kinds of negative effects.  So pick your favorite self-care strategy or engage in some self-reflection to get you back to your Soul center.  It’s right there waiting patiently for you to return.  While we struggle with our losses, let us also call to mind the people still here to walk through this life with us.  Whatever your Soul is handling right now, I’m wishing you the  grace to let yourself heal and let others in your life know what you need.  Be well!

 

Body Meets Soul, Part Five

Posted in mental health, Self Care, Spirituality on 11/21/2010 by Amber

The last entry in this review of the connection between body and soul brings us to an exploration of our spirit.  If you’re just now dropping in, you can read the previous posts in this series here:  Part One (the physical body), Part Two (the energetic body), Part Three (the mental & emotional body), and Part Four (the intellectual body).

Anandamayakosha

Try this fun, gigantic word on for size…  awn-AWN-duh-mai-uh-KOH-shuh.  This term applies to the spiritual body or to the things that bring us true joy and bliss.  While many of us being our yoga practice because we know it will be good physical exercise, it holds so much more substance.  The ultimate goal of yoga is samadhi, or complete union with the Divine.  Other cultures call this by names such as nirvana, bodhi, or enlightenment.  In this space of unity, concepts such as “you” and “I” no longer exist because We are One.  You may have caught brief glimpses of samadhi in your everyday life via the experience of those “aha” moments where everything seems to make sense.  It is also something the people of every age have tried to achieve in ways that yield the opposite effect.  In his book Light on Life, B.K.S. Iyengar states, “I can assure you that everyone seeks samadhi, and most of us seek shortcuts to get there. … People seek samadhi through drugs, alcohol, the danger of extreme sports, the romanticism of music, the beauty of nature, and the passion of sexuality.”  As I noted in Part Four, there is nothing wrong with momentary pleasure in and of itself, as long as we recognize that it is a feeling that passes like any other.  True bliss is something else entirely.

In many a late night conversation with my dad, he would often say to me that we humans have a God-shaped hole inside.  Take a moment to reflect on this and I think you’ll know exactly what that means…  The place inside of you that hurts, aches, and cries out for connection.  The place you might try to cover up with a shield of comedy or harshness or doing too much.  The place that may even make you run away from truly connecting with others because that idea is just…  so… terrifying. The good news, though, is that it’s a space that can be filled by recognizing the Divine spark inside each one of us.  Yes, that applies to you.  You who are too hard on yourselves; you who blame yourselves and others for things far outside anyone’s control; you who yell at people in traffic (like me!); you who push others away; you are struggling just to get through each day.  Especially on those deep, dark, sad days, I recognize that belief in something Divine is hard to come by.

So how do you seek Oneness with the Divine?  What in your life brings you that sense of joyful contentment?  For some it visits during meditation or quiets walks among nature or śavāsana.  Some get to experience it in their daily work, whether that’s at home or office or factory or field.  For others, it is in finding ways to give back.  And for still others, it is in allowing oneself to receive the gifts that others want to provide (think about it…  when was the last time you brushed off a compliment instead of simply saying, “Thank you”?).  At all of these levels, I like to think that when we recognize the Light in each other, we make these connections spiritual ones.  And if not spiritual, then at the very least mindful, thoughtful, caring.  In my work as a therapist, I frequently see people working to turn their losses and injuries into helpful gifts for others (this applies so strongly to all of us healers out there!).  This is such a wonderful way to bring Soul into things.  We can let life’s injuries leave complete destruction in their wake and perhaps, for a time, we revel in that darkness.  But eventually there comes an opportunity to rise up, to reconnect.  Just be careful of the other extreme, giving too much and doing too much.  Balance is always the key.

As usual, I hope that I have given you many things to wonder about…  I find that there are very few tangible answers along our journey through life.  I believe our body and soul are connected in so many ways, with a lovely dance swaying back and forth among all of our layers:  body, energy, emotions, wisdom, spirit.  Consider how you might more consciously connect all these qualities of your Self in your daily life.  Are you eating foods that give you fuel for the day?  Or are you eating in an attempt to fill the hole?  Is your mind a safe harbor of gentle thoughts towards self and others?  Or is it a minefield?  Here’s wishing you grace and bliss in your own journey!  And to those celebrating Thanksgiving this week, enjoy the communion of friends, family, and feasting!

 

Body Meets Soul, Part Four

Posted in Attention, Emotion Regulation, mental health, mindfulness on 11/13/2010 by Amber

This week, we continue with the Body Meets Soul series.  This is an ongoing discussion about the koshas, or different layers of human experience.  So far, I’ve written about the physical body, energetic body, and emotional body as unique aspects of our awareness.  This week, I’ll turn to the intellectual body.

Vijnyanamayakosha

Pronounced vig-nee-AWN-uh-mai-uh-KOH-shuh, this layer of human experience is governed by the intellect or wisdom.  This is not to be confused with knowledge, ego, or cleverness.  This layer is concerned with intelligence, conscience, and wisdom.  This kind of intelligence is that of wise discernment, not an inflated sense of self-importance.  The goal of wisdom is to unify our individual consciousness with our cosmic consciousness.  When first learning about these concepts of individual and cosmic consciousness, it was described to me as the difference between the small “s” self and the big “S” Self.  You might think about it this way…  There is a you that, when left to its own devices, may do whatever it takes to uphold the status quo, maintain inertia, make decisions that benefit only you.  We might call this the ego or the small “s” self.  Then there is the You that is your Higher Self, the one that perhaps believes in compassion, loving-kindness, and caring for the world around you.  These aspects of the self can often be found arguing with another…  Do I do what my ego wants to do right now  (“Food, drink, sex, pleasure, distraction… NOW!”)?  Or do I follow the path to which my Soul is calling me (faith, patience, perseverance, stillness, quiet)?  Remember that food, drink, sex, pleasure, and distraction are not problematic in and of themselves and can indeed be full of soul…   And that is the key question:  How can you make this next action one that connects you to your Soul?

In her book The Places That Scare You, Pema Chödrön writes, “It’s hard to know whether to laugh or to cry at the human predicament.  Here we are with so much wisdom and tenderness, and – without even knowing it – we cover it over to protect ourselves from insecurity.  Although we have the potential to experience the freedom of a butterfly, we mysteriously prefer the small and fearful cocoon of ego.”  Insecurity and fear are emotions that can prevent us from connecting to our inner wisdom, our God-consciousness.  We experience these emotions and tense up, gripping, grasping, holding on for dear life.  Yet when we are able to soften our outer defenses, turn our attention inward, our wisdom can point us to our truth.  Try this as an example…  Tighten up your fists, really squeeze, feel the discomfort and watch your knuckles whiten.  Nothing can flow through when your hands are clenched this way.  Now open your hands, allow the discomfort to pass, feel the softness of hands willing to accept whatever they find.  Here we connect to the flow of life force and energy that is always moving around and through us.

My earlier statement that intellect and wisdom should not be confused with knowledge is not to say that knowledge is a bad thing.  In fact, self study and spiritual study are great ways to exercise our wisdom.  It is just that our educational achievements can puff up the ego, getting in the way of truth.  You are not your education.  You are not your job or career or lack thereof.  You are not the clothes you wear or the car you drive or the stuff you collect.  I know…  Our society says that you are and measures your worth based on these things.  But when you connect to your Higher Self, you know better than all that.  You know that health, family, and friends are all far more important than how many square feet your house is.  And if these first three are hard to come by in your life, then contentment in the struggle is something to strive for.  Radical acceptance of the present moment.  Seeking wisdom may involve asking yourself, “What is this moment trying to teach me right now?” particularly if the moment is something you want to run from.  Another question is, “How can I share what I have learned with others?”  This kind of sharing may be in a formal classroom or it may be in the simple act of a smile or hug or laugh or nod of understanding.  When connecting to your wisdom and sharing this with others, what you do does not matter as much as how you do it…  Approach the next moment, person, place, thing with loving-kindness and see what your own wisdom has to teach you today.  Have a wisdom-filled week, my friends!

 

The Spirit of Service

Posted in Uncategorized on 11/07/2010 by Amber

Hello all!  I’m taking a break from my regular weekly blog post, as I just returned today from a three-day trip to the El Florido area of Tijuana, Mexico.  I was there as part of a home-building project funded by St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church and coordinated by Lutheran Border Concerns Ministry.  It was an amazing and often heart-breaking experience, but this is exactly the kind of heart breaking that we sometimes need to re-establish a connection to the Soul.  It is all too easy to get caught up in our day-to-day experience and we end up forgetting to think outside ourselves.  We forget that we are Divine, Light, Love, Spirit, Soul.  All the human-made barriers we create between each other can never extinguish that Divine spark and it is where we connect with one another on the deepest levels.  In yoga, this is called seva.  Whatever you call it, I believe that giving back is an important part of a soulful life.

Whether you have time or money or positive thoughts/prayers/energy to share, here are some great places to share your gifts with those in need:

– Volunteer Match
– The Corporation for National & Community Service
– Habitat for Humanity
– Heifer International
– Charity Navigator

Next week, I’ll be back with Part Four of my series on Body Meets Soul.  If you’re just now joining me here, I invite you to check out Parts One, Two, and Three.  Have a great week!

**Photo is of me helping to paint an outer wall of the home we built on 11/6/10.

 

Body Meets Soul, Part Three

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Emotion Regulation, mental health, Self Care, Stress on 10/31/2010 by Amber

If you are just tuning in to this five part series on the different aspects of human experience, you can click accordingly to read Part One and Part Two.  We are slowly making our way from the physical realm to the spiritual realm, exploring how we bridge the disconnect between the two.

Manomayakosha

Manomayakosha (MAH-nuh-MAI-uh-KOH-shuh) is the mental or emotional body.  This layer governs consciousness, memory, ego, perception, and emotions.   It is distinct from intelligence and discernment, which is the next layer.  Have you ever observed your mind to be like a hamster running in a wheel?  Welcome to your manomayakosha.  In exploring this layer of experience, we might first look at some of its challenges.  The ego-mind is impulsive and desires immediate gratification.  It resists things that require time and effort to achieve.  This is also sometimes called the small “s” self.  By that I mean that we often identify very strongly with our thoughts and feelings.  Consider Descartes’ famous statement, “I think, therefore I am.”  Yet we are so much more than the incessant thoughts and fluctuating emotions that pass through our soul-body each day.  The self is different from the Self…  The former being more ego-driven, the latter being Spirit-driven.

Sure, our thoughts and feelings are very real to us.  Sometimes they are so real that it is hard to know what is true and what is simply the hamster running in its wheel.  Our ego-mind is frequently occupied with the pain from the past or worries about the future.  Despite our best efforts, these ramblings take us away from the present moment.  And it is in the present moment where true contentment can be found.  The beauty of this interplay between body, breath, mind, intellect, and spirit is that we get to decide which of our thoughts and feelings have merit, which to set aside, and which to act upon.  Granted, this is typically easier said than done!  In yoga, we emphasize how consistent asana practice and breathwork help us to better manage the fleeting emotions that swirl through us in each moment.  Have you ever noticed how you when you get a good workout, you breathe more fluidly and your thoughts/emotions settle down?  One of my colleagues notes that when she has particularly stressful days, she sets aside time to practice Muay Thai to help slough off the stress (momentary tanget — Interestingly enough, Wikipedia taught me that “muay thai” is called the “Art of Limbs”.  Yoga also has eight limbs, which I’ll review in future posts!).

Consider in the coming week what role your ego-mind plays in how you care for your energetic and physical body.  Are you taking good care of your body, breath/energy, and emotions?  Do you give too much of your Self?  Or perhaps too little?  And how do you know the difference?  Also, what messages is your ego-mind sending your Self?  Nurturing and gentle; or harsh and critical?  Yes, many questions and not so many clear answers.  But this is the process of personal growth and self-awareness.  One awakening, followed by trial and error with our new knowledge, then further consciousness.  One foot in front of the other…  Inhale…  Exhale…  Inhale…  Exhale…

 

Body Meets Soul, Part Two

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Emotion Regulation, mental health, Stress on 10/24/2010 by Amber

Last week, I began a 5-part series discussing the koshas.   This is the yogic term for the layers of our being:  body, breath, mind/emotions, intellect, and spirit.  This week, let’s take a closer look at how our breath affects our ability to connect body and soul.

Pranamayakosha

Pranamayakosha (PRAH- nah-MAI-uh-KOH-shuh) is the breath or energetic body.  In yoga, prana means life energy.  Other familiar terms for this concept include chi or life force.  In Christian traditions, it is called the Holy Spirit.  To grasp this concept, consider how we don’t usually see electricity, but we know it is there; same thing with our life energy.  The yogis understand that we can increase or decrease or balance our energy levels through the use of various breathing practices called pranayama.  If you are a regular yoga practitioner, you may be familiar with one of form of pranayama called ujjayi (oo-jy-ee).  Translated as Victorious Breath, Conqueror Breath, or Ocean-Sounding Breath, it is a common staple in yoga classes because this breath technique helps us to steady our breathing and match the flow of breath to the movement of the body.

Breathing is something we usually do unconsciously and yet it is the most important life-sustaining activity we can do.  According to one article at eHow.com, “brain cells are destroyed after 4 to 6 minutes without oxygen”.  Beyond issues of life and death, mere shallow breathing contributes to anxiety, stress, and physical tension.  In my work in mental health, I have come to understand that attention to and mastery of the breath is the single most effective strategy we have for regulating our emotions.  Consider this:  when our emotions become worried or stressed, our breath becomes shallow and rapid, then the body develops physical tension.  Utilizing the breath, we can calm the nervous system, balance the emotions, and relieve our physical tension.  I frequently find myself watching others’ breathing patterns and wanting to reach out to them to share some deep breathing techniques.  Granted, I probably ought to stay focused on my own breath patterns, but we’re all works in progress right? :)

Initially, the practice of attending to our breath patterns can be disconcerting because when the body and breath become still, we must listen to the ridiculous chatter of our feelings and thoughts.  Yet with consistent practice, it becomes easier to recognize when our body or or thoughts have become constricted and how to use our breath to bring some ease back into our experience.  So the practice of breathwork, however you approach it, can bring you physical relaxation, mental clarity, emotional steadiness, and spiritual connectedness.  I can’t think of any other activity that can bring one a greater sense of true joy!  As you journey through the week ahead, try noticing how your breath connects your body, mind, and soul.  Consider trying some of the deep breathing strategies you may have heard about, whether in this blog, in your yoga class, or somewhere else out there in cyberspace.  In closing, I’ll leave you with a Bible verse that speaks to this concept of breath as life-giving energy:  “The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”  – Job 33:4.  Thank you for reading and have a joyful week!

Please note: While I am most familiar with Christianity, I welcome you to share quotes or verses from your own religious, spiritual, or secular explorations by leaving a comment below.


 

Body Meets Soul, Part One

Posted in Self Care, slow living, Stress on 10/17/2010 by Amber

Hi everyone!  It’s been waaaaay too long since my last post.  Needless to say, life has been really busy here.  Regardless, I’m thrilled to be back here at my keyboard!  I’d like to spend the next several weeks exploring the connection between body and soul.  Here in the West, it has become very popular to discuss any manner of “mind-body-spirit” topics.  It is good that we finally recognize there is more to life than our thoughts and our physical experience.  Yet, in yoga, there are five layers of being described:  Body, Energy/Breath, Mind/Emotions, Intellect, and Spirit.  The yogis call these layers koshas.  These five aspects of our experience must be in harmony with one another in order for us to be fully alive and healthy.  For example, if one is physically fit but an emotional wreck, that is not a balanced existence.  Or if one is intellectually astute but is physically unhealthy, they are not living in wholeness.  In other words, we cannot separate any one aspect of our Being from another.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll give you some food for thought on each of these koshas.

Annamayakosha

Yes, I know, these are long words with potentially unfamiliar pronunciations.  So here’s some help:  AHN-uh-MY-uh-KOH-shuh.  This is the  physical, anatomical body and represents the outermost layer of our being.  With it, we touch, taste, see, and hear the world around us.  This body is the container for the other four layers of our experience.  When our other aspects of being (energy, emotions, thoughts, spirit) are out of balance, they can negatively affect our bodies.  Think about how stress lowers your immune defenses, leaving you prone to illness.  Have you ever heard yourself saying, “But I can’t get sick right now, I have too much to do!!”  That “too much” just might be part of the problem…  Especially here in the U.S., we are obsessed with bigger, better, faster, more.  Yet the body has limitations and needs to be respected and soulfully cared for, especially as we get older.  Youth generally has physical energy to spare and we frequently miss that as we age.  But comparing ourselves now to some past version of the same means that we miss out on the NOW.

One thing I love about yoga is that many of us come to a yoga asana practice with the goal of becoming physically healthier, and then realize it is so much more.  I became interested in yoga therapy when I started to see the emotional benefits that yoga was having in my life.  Increased calm, less tension, steadier responses to stressful events.  So the connection between our bodies and our other layers of being goes both ways.  We care for our breath, emotions, thoughts, & spirit, and our bodies will thank us.  If we care for our bodies, it will be easier to manage the other aspects of our experience.  Even while we seek the guidance of our souls, we mustn’t forget that we are still living in a physical world that takes a toll on the body.  Caring for our bodies is done on many levels.  Do you get enough sleep each night?  Do you eat foods that nourish your body (versus just tantalizing your taste-buds)?  Do you drink enough water?

In his book Light on Life, B.K.S. Iyengar says, “To be spiritual, one must not deny or forget the body. Throughout the journey to the spiritual goal, the body must be kept active.”  I recently did a presentation on this topic in the context of Christianity.  It is the religious tradition with which I’m most familiar and I believe these concepts can be explored from the perspective of other religions or schools of thought.  In my research for that presentation, the Bible verse that struck me most was, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? … Therefore honor God with your body.” – Corinthians 6: 19-20 (New International Version).  Regardless of your faith background, I think it is helpful to consider whether we are treating our bodies in a sacred way.  It is a gift and its health enables us to do the work of our spirit in this world.  And so, as you go about your life tasks this week, consider how you might bring some soul back into the ways you treat your body.  As C.S. Lewis says, “You don’t have a soul.  You are a Soul.  You have a body.”  Have a blissful week!

 

Urban Gardens Redux

Posted in Uncategorized on 09/18/2010 by Amber

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how creating a garden can be a healing, nurturing practice.  Just a few days ago, I received my latest issue of the Green American (September/October 2010), a publication of Green America.  In it there is an article about urban gardening!  res Patti Moreno, creator of Garden Girl TV and Urban Sustainable Living.  Being green and reducing the size of my environmental footprint on this earth has been a passion of mine for several years.  I found it much easier when I lived in the oceanside community of Santa Barbara, had a co-op nearby I could shop at, rode my bike everywhere, and had access to good public transportation.  Since moving to Los Angeles 10 years ago, I have found implementing this passion increasingly challenging.  I started having to drive 12 miles to haul my recyclables to place that accepted all the stuff I wanted to recycle!  I now have city sponsored recycling in my building, but it still feels sometimes like the terms “urban” and “green” are forever at odds in my life.  Resources like the ones I just mentioned provide great ideas for greening your life, whether you are living in an urban or a rural space.  Nurturing our selves includes caring for the spaces in which we live, planet, country, state, city, community…  I hope you find these resources as interesting and informative as I have!  Have a soul-filled week and, until next time, be well!

 

Coping with Stress

Posted in Anxiety, mental health, Stress on 09/12/2010 by Amber

During a recent discussion on yoga’s therapeutic benefits, one of my colleagues asked me, “What’s it like to have a stress-free life?”  I know this colleague was mostly joking, but it was a good conversation starter.  I laughed and said that I have anything but a stress-free life.   Mindfulness is not about eliminating stress from your life, it’s about changing the way you respond to that stress.  That may not be what any of us wants to hear…  I have certainly wished that mindfulness and meditation and yoga could get rid of the stressful things in my life.  But they don’t.  What they do, instead, is make it easier for us to separate ourselves from our stress.  That way, we stop being defined by our automatic reactions to events and begin to choose our thoughts/words/actions more carefully.

I know…  this may be disheartening news to some of you.  If you can’t make the stress go away, why bother practicing mindfulness at all?  Here’s the tricky thing, though:  separating your Self from your stress does make the stress go away in a manner of speaking.  For years, one of my mentors would describe to me how it was possible for me to watch the drama unfold around me without getting caught up in it.  I tried and tried and tried and had a pretty tough time of it.  I suppose it’s one of the hazards of being a professional empath, this soaking up of other people’s emotions as if they were my own.  But when I really started to delve into the breathwork and meditative practices of yoga, I started to understand what my mentor was saying.  I was slowly able to sit in the presence of people’s emotions and hold on to my sense of Self.  Sometimes it was only for a few moments, sometimes much longer, but there it was.

I won’t try to tell you that I’ve mastered this skill now.  I’m certainly better at it than I used to be and there are a variety of situations that cut through my equilibrium…  people who drive dangerously, stories about the darker sides of humanity, those that would play the shame & blame game with me…  These are just a few of my triggers.  I get flustered, I get tense, I get judgmental.  Not my best moments, by far!  Yet I imagine these triggers will always be there in one form or another, so there is always room for me to improve :)   I guess what I want you to know is that coping more effectively with your daily stresses is indeed possible.  Plus, it is never too late to start.  If you’ve been wanting to find some peacefulness in the chaos of your everyday experience, begin the practice today.  Know that it is not easy and takes commitment, but try to love what you find in the clutter of your thoughts.  If you would like some guidance in your journey, here are just a few of the many great resources for mindfulness, meditation, and yoga:

Yoga Therapist Finder
InsightLA
Mindful Valley
Yoga Alliance
Yoga Finder
Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction
Learning Meditation

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and have a mindful week!

 
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