Soulful Healing

Each season brings with it a natural series of changes.  Spring.  Summer.  Fall.  Winter.  Birth. Growth. Aging. Death.  These are the systematic cycles that affect not just the weather and landscape, but also our body, mind, and emotions.   Even if you couldn’t tell by the 100° L.A. weather, Fall is officially upon us now.  In Ayurveda — the sister science of yoga — Fall is the season ruled by vata energy.  Vata is light, dry, cold, subtle, and mobile, like the wind.  People with dominant vata energy tend to be creative, energetic, and lively.  As such, however, they are often ruled by their emotions.  Depending on your own primary constitution or dosha (vata, pitta, kapha, or some combination of the three), you will have different responses to the increased vata energy that Fall brings.  Some find the cooler temperatures, falling leaves, and wind to be refreshing, while others find this light, dry, mobile energy to be unsettling or even aggravating.

The seasons aren’t the only cycles that affect our lives.  There are also cycles that span our days, months, and life-time.  Vata energy is most prominent during the hours of 2-6 each day, both in the early morning and in the afternoon.  Because vata is so energetic and creative, we must be careful not to exhaust ourselves during these times of day.  They are times that call for mental and physical rest.  As I write this, I am reminded of the many cultures around the world that call for an afternoon rest period.  It is so common for people to feel unfocused and tired during the early afternoon hours, U.S. workplaces would do well to establish a post-lunchtime rest.  When I am being mindful (which hasn’t been happening enough lately!), I will take 30 minutes sometime in the middle of the day to rest.  I might take a power-nap, engage in silent meditation, practice yoga nidra, or listen to a guided meditation.  And believe me when I say this is an ongoing process for me…  playfully dancing between the pull of opposite poles.  At any rate, honoring our natural cycles promotes better productivity by taking advantage of the best times for work, rest, and play.

Balanced vata energy is creative, vibrant, and full of life.  It is what gets us moving and doing things.  Out of balance, however, it can be forgetful, disorganized, anxious, emotionally overwhelmed, and eventually exhausted.  As we go through these daily, monthly, and annual cycles, it is important to note how we are affected.  How is your mood at this time of year?  Do you feel energized and full of ideas?  Or do you find yourself feeling annoyed and overwhelmed?  Are you forgetting things and starting too many projects?  Or are you accomplishing things and feeling good?  This is where practices like mindfulness and self-reflection come in handy, so that we can observe the effects of these cycles on the body, mind, and emotions.  When we quietly observe what is happening externally and internally, we can uncover what is balanced and imbalanced within us.  Then we can make conscious changes that will balance our energies so that we can be at our best in our relationships with ourselves, our families, and our work.

If you’re not so sure about the mindfulness/meditation thing and you live in the L.A. area, join me for my next FREE meditation class on Monday, November 7^th at 7:00pm, in North Hollywood.  We’ll be focusing on mindful practices to incorporate into daily activities, such as eating, working, and interacting with others, keeping in mind the increased vata energy of this season.  You can also give me a call for your own personalized dosha analysis and yoga plan to balance your energy.  If you’re outside of L.A. and would like to learn more about how to balance your energy, you can use these links to find a yoga therapist or Ayurvedic practitioner near you.  Enjoy the Fall season and until next time, be well!

This month’s blog post is actually a guest post for Sherry Gaba, LCSW.  She is the author of the book “The Law of Sobriety,” in which she applies the concepts of the Law of Attraction to help people recover from addictions.   Her life coaching and therapy skills have also been featured on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab and Sober House. Please hop on over to her Law of Sobriety blog to read my post on mindfulness and sobriety.  Thanks for reading!

Sundays are one of my favorite days.  It’s a day to reconnect with friends, family, and Spirit.  Yes, even on this  Sunday when much of the U.S. is keenly tuned to their TVs for hours of football fun.  On a slight tangent, it’s awfully hard not to use the actual words for today’s big game, but that’s how trademarks work…  Check out this great article on CNET about blacklisted words.  At any rate, I’m not much of a football fan, but because I like rituals, I like today’s football game.  Sometimes I even watch it, but that’s really more for the commercials, the food, and the fun conversations with friends.  Rituals are important; they help us mark the passing of time and can give structure where none would exist otherwise.  Birthdays, holidays, ceremonies, anniversaries, days of remembrance, rites of passage.  All these are important to satisfy the very human desire for order, but they also are a way to help us be more mindful.  Mindful of who we are, mindful of our past, mindful of where we would like to go from here, mindful of the people and places that nurture us.  

So in the interest of having a restful day, I am listing here some of my past articles on relaxation, rejuvenation, and reflection.  Whatever your ritual is today, I hope you enjoy it and bring some of that joy into the rest of your week.  Be well!
– Reconnecting with your Soul
– Time Out
– Emotional Balance
– Make Rest a Priority
– Coping with Stress

I was reminded recently of the importance of stepping back and doing a little self-reflection.  Having reaped many physical and emotional benefits from the practice of yoga, I was feeling stuck in regard to one particular challenge I’ve experienced for years:  chronic tension/pain in my right shoulder.  Fluctuating from mildly bothersome to headache-inducing, this shoulder pain situation has  frustrated me for probably the past decade.  In one of my early yoga therapy courses, I was excited to learn about various ways we can use a combination of movement and stillness to help the body heal itself.  Armed with my enthusiasm for studying anatomy and biomechanics, I started trying to figure out ways to make my shoulder feel better.  Over the next few years, I found that proper posture was generally helpful to my entire upper body and I started trying all kinds of different stretches to release the tension in the complex network of muscles inside the shoulder joint.  I would find relief anywhere from a few hours to a few days, but it would never leave completely.  I was in so much pain at one point a little over a year ago,  that one of my physical therapist friends gave me an excruciating massage to help liberate the bad juju hiding under my shoulder blade.  I won’t lie, there were tears!  Despite attempts to keep my shoulder at ease, the pain still came back.  Stress made it worse and the pain led to more stress, so it was a vicious downward cycle. 

At any rate, I really was perplexed as to why whatever I was doing was NOT working.  Over the holidays, I took a complete vacation from my asana practice.   This wasn’t specifically because of the shoulder, but because I’d had a pretty stressful year and figured that some complete relaxation was in order.  Between resting, meditating, and occasionally using the back of a chair to massage under my shoulder blade, my right shoulder started to feel better.  Then I returned to regular life and wouldn’t you know it…  There was my old friend the shoulder pain  So I decided to take a restorative yoga class at a local studio as a means of re-starting my asana practice.  It was wonderful and gentle and got me thinking that maybe what was unhelpful about all the stuff I had tried before was the way I had approached my yoga.  I have a rather driven personality and enjoy being active.  Being still isn’t easy for me!  But that’s why I’ve loved yoga…  I can move, move, move, and then enjoy the peaceful inner and outer stillness that comes from that.

My experience in that restorative class prompted me to get back to basics.  I figured if what I had been doing wasn’t working, I needed to start over again.  I needed to stop pushing myself so hard and getting frustrated over my own limitations.  In other words, I needed to take the recommendations I regularly give my clients and apply them to myself.  That whole thing about walking your talk isn’t always easy!  So I pulled out my yoga therapy books and created a basic series that addresses shoulder pain.  Then I actually practiced it.  And let me tell you…  My shoulder has never felt better!  For two weeks now, I’ve been focusing on a few specific movements for shoulder issues, focusing on strengthening & lengthening the right combo of muscles to create a healthier me.  I notice how my right shoulder is very reactive to stress; it tries to jump into my ear at the slightest hint of stress!  But what’s different now is that I can breathe and move and keep the tight ball of badness from coming back.

If you’re feeling stuck, take a step back.  Do a little self-inventory and see what you find.  What are you doing that isn’t working or isn’t helpful?  What are you doing that is helpful?  How can you decrease the unhelpful and increase the helpful?  Find your way back to your Self and let that put you back on your best path.  As one of my favorite authors, Dr. Clarissa P. Estes writes in her book Women Who Run With the Wolves, ‎”If you feel you have lost your mission, your oomph, if you feel confused, slightly off, then look for … the ambusher of the soul in your own psyche.”  Mine was an imbalanced approach to my life and yoga practice.  What’s yours?

I’ve been on a communication kick lately…  In both my professional and personal worlds, I’ve been observing what makes an interaction between people go smoothly and what makes those inevitable snags become waaaay bigger than necessary.  One of the most daunting challenges in communication is telling the difference between your thoughts and feelings, then sharing those with important others.  I truly believe that being aware of our thoughts and feelings is essential to effective communication, so I thought I’d go a little deeper into communication this week.  As you already know from your own experiences, communication is a tricky endeavor…  Being mindful of our own stuff, determining what is being asked of us, working through our automatic responses, and then stringing all these feeling-thought-ideas together in a cohesive sentence is difficult work!  In my experience, good communication requires that we S–L–O–W our internal reactions long enough to sort through everything.  We need to first create time-space between the internal reaction and the external response, then we are able to practice making our external responses match those of our highest Self.

This allowing for time and space in between urge and action is not easy.  First of all, feelings and psychological processes are powerful stuff…  The mind can either be a safe harbor for peaceful contentment or a mine-field of self-derision and negativity, as well as everything in between.  Our default way of responding to the world can be learned from our culture, our circumstances, and our families.  It can also be linked to our own genetic and neurological make-up.  Whatever the source of your automatic responses, the idea is to shift from automatic to conscious.  Often this process requires the help of a guide, whether that person is a friend, mentor, spiritual leader, shaman, therapist, or psychiatrist.  Regardless of your chosen guide, becoming more aware of your own internal process and communicating with others more effectively is a completely achievable goal.  As with so many things, it takes commitment and active practice.

One communication strategy that I and many therapist-types will share with others looks like this:   I feel ____________ when ____________.  You may hear this referred to as an “I statement,” because the idea is to get away from making assumptions about others in favor of discussing only your own feelings and observations.  The simplicity of this statement is deceiving.  This is because, again, you have to know what you feel before you let all the other junk racing through your mind just pour out.  Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) method, adds another step to this statement, encouraging the speaker to identify what needs/wants trigger the feelings being expressed.  I really like this extended “I statement” because I believe it helps the speaker focus in on their own needs and how those needs create emotional responses.  So instead of saying, “It hurts my feelings when you don’t want to spend time with me!!” one might instead say, “I felt hurt when you said you have other plans, because I need to know that my interests are important to you.”  Yes, I know, this latter statement is longer and perhaps more tedious.  But this longer, more conscientious statement makes it easier for the listener to truly hear the speaker.  So instead of the defensive response, “Oh, get over yourself, you’re just being sensitive!” the listener will hopefully access her/his own compassionate nature and offer an empathetic response.  This is probably because “you don’t want to spend time with me!” sounds like a judgment at best and an attack at worst.  The NVC-inspired statement is simply an expression of the speaker’s emotions and thought process.  It’s the ultimate in honestly expressing what’s going on inside, without accidentally (or on purpose) attacking others.

If you are intrigued by this brief glimpse into the possibilities of Nonviolent Communication, here are some links:
– Center for Nonviolent Communication
– Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (Book)
– Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook

Over the past few weeks, my motivation to write has been low.  First, there was Thanksgiving.  I had a wonderful time celebrating with my family & friends.  One of the side effects of feasting, though, is a sleepy lethargy!  So I gave myself permission to just enjoy the relaxation that I don’t usually make time for.   Then in the week after Thanksgiving, one of my friends passed away.  She was about a month younger than me and her death was entirely unexpected and shocking.  I think I spent that first week feeling numb and in complete denial.  As the most basic defense mechanism, denial comes in very handy.  Information that our minds cannot process is blocked out because to take in that information might require a complete reorganization of thoughts, feelings, and information that we currently have.  If you think organizing your desk is challenging, try reorganizing your mind!  About a week after I got the news, I was able to really feel the sadness my defenses had blocked out.

Dealing with this sadness got me to thinking about how the holidays are not always “happy”.  With smiles on our faces, we encourage one another to have “Happy Holidays!”  And while Halloween through Christmas is easily my favorite time of year, it carries with it reminders of both past joys and past sorrows.  Then, there are the current joys and sorrows.  I was reminded of this recently while watching the movie Parenthood, where one of the characters gives an apt description of life as a rollercoaster, noting that she prefers the rollercoaster to the merry-go-round.  Whether we like it or not, life is rollercoaster… a sometimes intense series of ups and downs and all-arounds, with (hopefully) moments of rest in between.  I don’t know about you, but I am looking back on a year that zoomed by in true rollercoaster fashion.  There were a whole lot of amazing times and a whole lot of hard times.  There were times when I thought I couldn’t be happier.  There were times when I couldn’t imagine how I would get through the day.  Here I am…  sad, content, worried, joyful, eager…  all of the feelings that make up this life.  But most of all, I feel lucky to just be sitting here writing about it.

Still, at this time of year, we can sometimes feel pressured to be happy.  As if, when we are not happy, we are somehow upsetting the natural order.  Sometimes, we might even actively become angry with each other because someone wants to honestly express their discomfort or discontent.  When we are the accusers, it’s usually a sign that we are denying, ignoring, or avoiding our own difficult feelings.  It’s far simpler to blame others, versus doing the hard work of looking inward and coming to terms with the stuff we’ve been ignoring.  While denial and avoidance are great forms of self-protection in the short-term, they don’t tend to serve us well in the long haul.  What we deny or avoid comes back to haunt us in strange ways.  Just because we choose not to be conscious of something does not mean it just goes away.  It can come to settle in the subconscious, from which we act out our fears & desires without conscious awareness.  Have you ever been completely shocked by an observation that someone else has made of you, only to later realize they were right?  It’s rarely pretty, but try saying hello to the junk buried in your subconscious with gentleness and curiosity.  Remember that self-blame only creates stagnation and keeps us repeating the patterns we don’t like.

If you are one of the people for whom the holidays are not so happy (or are perhaps a mix of happy & sad & other stuff), know that you are not alone.  I also hope that, as you experience the wide range of human emotion during this holiday time, you can honestly share that with someone who is willing to listen.  Whether you are grieving a recent loss or a more distant one, many people are feeling exactly the same.  Maybe it’s time to reach out for a little social contact, maybe it’s time to stay home and rest, or maybe you need a smidge of both.  Only you can figure that out for your Self.  Denying your Self the right to feel what you feel can have all kinds of negative effects.  So pick your favorite self-care strategy or engage in some self-reflection to get you back to your Soul center.  It’s right there waiting patiently for you to return.  While we struggle with our losses, let us also call to mind the people still here to walk through this life with us.  Whatever your Soul is handling right now, I’m wishing you the  grace to let yourself heal and let others in your life know what you need.  Be well!

The last entry in this review of the connection between body and soul brings us to an exploration of our spirit.  If you’re just now dropping in, you can read the previous posts in this series here:  Part One (the physical body), Part Two (the energetic body), Part Three (the mental & emotional body), and Part Four (the intellectual body).

Anandamayakosha

Try this fun, gigantic word on for size…  awn-AWN-duh-mai-uh-KOH-shuh.  This term applies to the spiritual body or to the things that bring us true joy and bliss.  While many of us being our yoga practice because we know it will be good physical exercise, it holds so much more substance.  The ultimate goal of yoga is samadhi, or complete union with the Divine.  Other cultures call this by names such as nirvana, bodhi, or enlightenment.  In this space of unity, concepts such as “you” and “I” no longer exist because We are One.  You may have caught brief glimpses of samadhi in your everyday life via the experience of those “aha” moments where everything seems to make sense.  It is also something the people of every age have tried to achieve in ways that yield the opposite effect.  In his book Light on Life, B.K.S. Iyengar states, “I can assure you that everyone seeks samadhi, and most of us seek shortcuts to get there. … People seek samadhi through drugs, alcohol, the danger of extreme sports, the romanticism of music, the beauty of nature, and the passion of sexuality.”  As I noted in Part Four, there is nothing wrong with momentary pleasure in and of itself, as long as we recognize that it is a feeling that passes like any other.  True bliss is something else entirely.

In many a late night conversation with my dad, he would often say to me that we humans have a God-shaped hole inside.  Take a moment to reflect on this and I think you’ll know exactly what that means…  The place inside of you that hurts, aches, and cries out for connection.  The place you might try to cover up with a shield of comedy or harshness or doing too much.  The place that may even make you run away from truly connecting with others because that idea is just…  so… terrifying. The good news, though, is that it’s a space that can be filled by recognizing the Divine spark inside each one of us.  Yes, that applies to you.  You who are too hard on yourselves; you who blame yourselves and others for things far outside anyone’s control; you who yell at people in traffic (like me!); you who push others away; you are struggling just to get through each day.  Especially on those deep, dark, sad days, I recognize that belief in something Divine is hard to come by.

So how do you seek Oneness with the Divine?  What in your life brings you that sense of joyful contentment?  For some it visits during meditation or quiets walks among nature or śavāsana.  Some get to experience it in their daily work, whether that’s at home or office or factory or field.  For others, it is in finding ways to give back.  And for still others, it is in allowing oneself to receive the gifts that others want to provide (think about it…  when was the last time you brushed off a compliment instead of simply saying, “Thank you”?).  At all of these levels, I like to think that when we recognize the Light in each other, we make these connections spiritual ones.  And if not spiritual, then at the very least mindful, thoughtful, caring.  In my work as a therapist, I frequently see people working to turn their losses and injuries into helpful gifts for others (this applies so strongly to all of us healers out there!).  This is such a wonderful way to bring Soul into things.  We can let life’s injuries leave complete destruction in their wake and perhaps, for a time, we revel in that darkness.  But eventually there comes an opportunity to rise up, to reconnect.  Just be careful of the other extreme, giving too much and doing too much.  Balance is always the key.

As usual, I hope that I have given you many things to wonder about…  I find that there are very few tangible answers along our journey through life.  I believe our body and soul are connected in so many ways, with a lovely dance swaying back and forth among all of our layers:  body, energy, emotions, wisdom, spirit.  Consider how you might more consciously connect all these qualities of your Self in your daily life.  Are you eating foods that give you fuel for the day?  Or are you eating in an attempt to fill the hole?  Is your mind a safe harbor of gentle thoughts towards self and others?  Or is it a minefield?  Here’s wishing you grace and bliss in your own journey!  And to those celebrating Thanksgiving this week, enjoy the communion of friends, family, and feasting!

If you are just tuning in to this five part series on the different aspects of human experience, you can click accordingly to read Part One and Part Two.  We are slowly making our way from the physical realm to the spiritual realm, exploring how we bridge the disconnect between the two.

Manomayakosha

Manomayakosha (MAH-nuh-MAI-uh-KOH-shuh) is the mental or emotional body.  This layer governs consciousness, memory, ego, perception, and emotions.   It is distinct from intelligence and discernment, which is the next layer.  Have you ever observed your mind to be like a hamster running in a wheel?  Welcome to your manomayakosha.  In exploring this layer of experience, we might first look at some of its challenges.  The ego-mind is impulsive and desires immediate gratification.  It resists things that require time and effort to achieve.  This is also sometimes called the small “s” self.  By that I mean that we often identify very strongly with our thoughts and feelings.  Consider Descartes’ famous statement, “I think, therefore I am.”  Yet we are so much more than the incessant thoughts and fluctuating emotions that pass through our soul-body each day.  The self is different from the Self…  The former being more ego-driven, the latter being Spirit-driven.

Sure, our thoughts and feelings are very real to us.  Sometimes they are so real that it is hard to know what is true and what is simply the hamster running in its wheel.  Our ego-mind is frequently occupied with the pain from the past or worries about the future.  Despite our best efforts, these ramblings take us away from the present moment.  And it is in the present moment where true contentment can be found.  The beauty of this interplay between body, breath, mind, intellect, and spirit is that we get to decide which of our thoughts and feelings have merit, which to set aside, and which to act upon.  Granted, this is typically easier said than done!  In yoga, we emphasize how consistent asana practice and breathwork help us to better manage the fleeting emotions that swirl through us in each moment.  Have you ever noticed how you when you get a good workout, you breathe more fluidly and your thoughts/emotions settle down?  One of my colleagues notes that when she has particularly stressful days, she sets aside time to practice Muay Thai to help slough off the stress (momentary tanget — Interestingly enough, Wikipedia taught me that “muay thai” is called the “Art of Limbs”.  Yoga also has eight limbs, which I’ll review in future posts!).

Consider in the coming week what role your ego-mind plays in how you care for your energetic and physical body.  Are you taking good care of your body, breath/energy, and emotions?  Do you give too much of your Self?  Or perhaps too little?  And how do you know the difference?  Also, what messages is your ego-mind sending your Self?  Nurturing and gentle; or harsh and critical?  Yes, many questions and not so many clear answers.  But this is the process of personal growth and self-awareness.  One awakening, followed by trial and error with our new knowledge, then further consciousness.  One foot in front of the other…  Inhale…  Exhale…  Inhale…  Exhale…

Hi everyone!  It’s been waaaaay too long since my last post.  Needless to say, life has been really busy here.  Regardless, I’m thrilled to be back here at my keyboard!  I’d like to spend the next several weeks exploring the connection between body and soul.  Here in the West, it has become very popular to discuss any manner of “mind-body-spirit” topics.  It is good that we finally recognize there is more to life than our thoughts and our physical experience.  Yet, in yoga, there are five layers of being described:  Body, Energy/Breath, Mind/Emotions, Intellect, and Spirit.  The yogis call these layers koshas.  These five aspects of our experience must be in harmony with one another in order for us to be fully alive and healthy.  For example, if one is physically fit but an emotional wreck, that is not a balanced existence.  Or if one is intellectually astute but is physically unhealthy, they are not living in wholeness.  In other words, we cannot separate any one aspect of our Being from another.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll give you some food for thought on each of these koshas.

Annamayakosha

Yes, I know, these are long words with potentially unfamiliar pronunciations.  So here’s some help:  AHN-uh-MY-uh-KOH-shuh.  This is the  physical, anatomical body and represents the outermost layer of our being.  With it, we touch, taste, see, and hear the world around us.  This body is the container for the other four layers of our experience.  When our other aspects of being (energy, emotions, thoughts, spirit) are out of balance, they can negatively affect our bodies.  Think about how stress lowers your immune defenses, leaving you prone to illness.  Have you ever heard yourself saying, “But I can’t get sick right now, I have too much to do!!”  That “too much” just might be part of the problem…  Especially here in the U.S., we are obsessed with bigger, better, faster, more.  Yet the body has limitations and needs to be respected and soulfully cared for, especially as we get older.  Youth generally has physical energy to spare and we frequently miss that as we age.  But comparing ourselves now to some past version of the same means that we miss out on the NOW.

One thing I love about yoga is that many of us come to a yoga asana practice with the goal of becoming physically healthier, and then realize it is so much more.  I became interested in yoga therapy when I started to see the emotional benefits that yoga was having in my life.  Increased calm, less tension, steadier responses to stressful events.  So the connection between our bodies and our other layers of being goes both ways.  We care for our breath, emotions, thoughts, & spirit, and our bodies will thank us.  If we care for our bodies, it will be easier to manage the other aspects of our experience.  Even while we seek the guidance of our souls, we mustn’t forget that we are still living in a physical world that takes a toll on the body.  Caring for our bodies is done on many levels.  Do you get enough sleep each night?  Do you eat foods that nourish your body (versus just tantalizing your taste-buds)?  Do you drink enough water?

In his book Light on Life, B.K.S. Iyengar says, “To be spiritual, one must not deny or forget the body. Throughout the journey to the spiritual goal, the body must be kept active.”  I recently did a presentation on this topic in the context of Christianity.  It is the religious tradition with which I’m most familiar and I believe these concepts can be explored from the perspective of other religions or schools of thought.  In my research for that presentation, the Bible verse that struck me most was, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? … Therefore honor God with your body.” – Corinthians 6: 19-20 (New International Version).  Regardless of your faith background, I think it is helpful to consider whether we are treating our bodies in a sacred way.  It is a gift and its health enables us to do the work of our spirit in this world.  And so, as you go about your life tasks this week, consider how you might bring some soul back into the ways you treat your body.  As C.S. Lewis says, “You don’t have a soul.  You are a Soul.  You have a body.”  Have a blissful week!

Hi all!  What’s that?  You’re surprised I’m posting a third blog this week?  I know, me too!  This one, though, is a guest blog for the Serenity Week over at Everyday Bliss, by Kathy Sprinkle.  Be sure to check out her other posts on the 13 virtues of Bliss.  Happy Friday!